Stephen Suazo

Santa Clara Pueblo, New Mexico

“I want you to know that this is the first time I’m talking about what I’ve gone through. It makes me nervous to talk about this.

What I’m doing now is trying a new way to stay sober. This time, I see my work is in helping people out. Empathy. Empathy is the key. I want to help people get out of addictions like I had but, you see, but you can’t feel sorry for people cause I’ve been through it too. But empathy is another thing.

I started drinking when I was really young. It wasn’t too much but by the time I turned 18 years old I was a full-blown alcoholic. I suffered sexual abuse when I was young. I went through that and it broke my thoughts. I thought all of this was on me, that it was my fault and I had to erase the thought of what happened so I just drank and drank and drank. I used to go to mental health institutions because I tried to kill myself. I tried to kill myself several times. I’ve been through like ten or fifteen rehab centers and none of them worked because I didn’t want it to work.

What made me want to change my life? Well, I was tired of drinking and I had a family to take care of. I’ve always been a drug and alcoholic abuser and so I wasn’t really connected to my family. I wanted it to be different.

I’ve been sober for five years now and I know what triggers me…the stuff that gets to me…the stuff that makes me irritated and I’ve got to work with that. Knowing my triggers helps to keep me safe. When I notice that I’m struggling and getting triggered I get myself to an AA meeting either here in Espanola or at the pueblo and that really helps me out. I’ve also got a counselor and some other people in the program who understand what I’m going through and how to support me. I call friends, family…anyone I know that I can count on.

Recently, I broke my hip. I was in the hospital for over a month. It hurts, man. Hurts bad. But this time I’m feeling the pain. I’m sober. I’m not numb. I can feel the pain and life is better like that.

I want to give people the courage to get into treatment and to take it seriously. The main thing you need to recover from addiction is support.  Man, if you’ve got support you can do anything. You can’t do it alone. So I give people my phone number. Call me, I tell them. Anytime. Just call me.

Now we have AA meetings at Santa Clara. I want to be there for my people. I want to be the one that speaks up, stands up. We need a lot of help at the pueblo.

I’ve always believed in a higher power than myself. I don’t know what that is but there is something bigger than me out there. If I didn’t have that higher power, I couldn’t have made it this far.

My best times are in the morning. I like to sit and take in the sun, take in everything around me, everything as it comes. Then I go for a walk.

You know, doing this, you get to meet people and find out that you’re not alone. Other people have gone through hell. Other people have the same story. You’re not alone. I also understand people better now. I have more compassion. I don’t judge.”

- August 2022

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