I got on the path to recovery on seven seventeen of 2010 (July 17) that was the day I surrendered. I couldn’t see that day coming. I couldn’t see the day when I could speak freely and look people in the eye and speak with integrity and grace...I wasn't supposed to live this long. I thought I was going to die alone and should be dead by now. I was a walking trash can after 24 years of drinking and abusing the dry goods. I picked up alcohol when I was 12 years old. It gave me some sort of empowerment like I could conquer the world. I didn’t learn until later that alcoholism is a progressive disease, that it just gets worse and it did get worse it took me to the gates of insanity and hell. What did I do that this hit me? Why me?

I came from a loving family who raised me with morals and values but all of that went out the window when I took my first drink….You know, at the age of 5 my grandfather Eulogio Salazar Sr. was murdered in Tierra Amarilla during the 1967 courthouse raid. To this day his murder is unsolved. At the age of 5 not only was our community traumatized but so was I, this little girl who to this day thinks about and misses her grandfather…..In our culture, we spend a lot of time with our grandparents and the bond between me and grandpa and grandma were so tight…I just didn’t know that I was going to miss him so much. So, I covered up that pain with alcohol, then drugs, you know, living the life instead of dealing with my pain…it devastated me to the point that I lost custody of my only son when he was 9 years old, that is when I wanted to give up, I knew that having a child was a true gift from God but why could I not raise mine like my mother raised me and my two brothers.

My tias and grandmothers raised their children, I hated myself most of all I hated the woman and mother I was on all levels…..

Today I have a beautiful relationship with my son and my 2 beautiful grandchildren. He is a City of Santa Fe Police Detective and I’m so proud of him. My son is my hero and because my son had to watch me walk this walk, I get to be part of his life. words to him at the end of my debauch were useless he needed to see that they carried depth and weight. Today I am trusted with my grandchildren’s lives…..

Twelve years ago, I heard her voice (La Virgen de Guadalupe), she spoke to me right down here on Guadalupe Street. I did a 7th step with my sponsor that day and at that Santuario, I realized that I’d never seen her statue before. She was so beautiful, and I felt peace and Love as I worked with my sponsor that morning. She had to leave to work and I stayed there by myself….I was raised Catholic, but somewhere along my years of the lifestyle that dictated who and where I would sleep, eat and barely work took over and I closed my heart on my faith not knowing how huge a hole my soul had. I had become a very scared angry, full of hate lonely woman. You see I had been filling my soul with other stuff, that I never noticed this beauty. That day at 10am I had a spiritual awakening! I got home at three in the afternoon and I don’t know where the hours went that day. I will never forget her words to me. That day while sitting quietly a voice that was so soft and kind and full of love whispered to me. “I am the mother of all moms; you will never have to worry about how to run this show”. I got this, I’ve held you all your life and you will no longer feel alone. You can put all that away, Melisha” I heard her, and I smelled the air and the roses that surrounded her. That was the day when I realized that I was destined for bigger and better things but most of all that I deserved love and to be the mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, auntie and godmother that God intended me to be.

My life changed completely. I knew that the obsession to drink and drug had been lifted but there was more work to be done…..

I will never be afraid of because I will never be alone. The people that are put in my life today are people who love and have gone through fire and made it out alive to help. I continue my journey with Alcoholics Anonymous and many roads to recovery. This included making amends to my beautiful County of Rio Arriba and one of the employers that gave me a second shot at working again in the county that I had been fired from 17 years prior. My county invested in several treatment facilities to help me; I later visited that detention center as an offender. By the grace of God, I was able to come back and work at the RAC detention Center from 2016-2019. I returned to Tierra Amarilla to work in the jail as a peer support worker and promotora and helped bring in an amazing program behind the walls that helped our people get the services they deserve and ask for regarding their mental wellness and or Substance use treatment. I was able to return to the place where my pain began. I was able to continue making living amends with my parents and live in my childhood home and sleep in my childhood bedroom for almost three years. I go home very often. I was blessed to gain the trust of the surrounding communities by starting up AA/NA meetings in Chama. My county and my extended family mean the world to me.

I’ve seen the shit…been there done that. I wish my story was different, but my story is my story…. I get to instill hope and voice to the voiceless. We matter our stories matter and most of all our walk matters. I love being the friend that friends like having! Being employable is also one of the best feelings in the world.

– JULY 2022