I was born and raised in Santa Fe. These were my stomping grounds in my addiction.  I did not know at the time or in the midst of my addiction that there were underlined issues as to why I became an addict, but now that I look back, I can see the reasoning and it was due to the trauma I went through. At a young age, I started hanging out with people who were much older than I was. I mean, I was like seven and hanging out in the neighborhood with teenagers and even older. Very few friends were my age and the rest were much older, so I saw and learned a lot of “older” stuff by hanging out with them. The older group was drinking, smoking pot, popping LSD, eating mushrooms…and when I was 18 years old, I got introduced to crack cocaine. Cocaine took me to a whole other level. Through the destruction of my addiction, it led me to the streets in stealing, robbing, and selling drugs to feed my addiction. All I cared about was that next high, not caring who I hurt in that process! I would get good jobs, and once paid I would call in so much I would lose it, then on to the next one. I would get sober on and off for periods, get back on my feet to relapse and lose everything again. I lost cars, houses, everything, every time I would pick up again. That led me to the streets, being homeless and living out of my car at times. That pattern worked for many years until it did not anymore. I was in an out of jail from shoplifting, possession, paraphilia and as the addiction grew so did my charges, with felonies of fraud, forgery, and embezzlement just to keep up with my addiction.

Eventually all of this caught up to me and I was now in District Court placed in Drug Court. I graduated and did really well for a while. My addiction once again set in and I was off again on another mission doing the same ‘shit’ different day. Back in jail, District Court gave it another shot with me and put me back into Drug Court. This time, not too long in the program, I relapsed again. I went on the run for about 8 months, I did a high-speed chase with the cops and l landed myself back in jail. By this time, Judge Michael had it with me and sent me to Grants women’s correctional facility for an evaluation.  I was now in prison with only time on my hands to think and could not believe where my addiction had led up to! I am forever grateful to Judge Michael Vigil because my trauma was the underlined reason why I was using and through sending me to prison that is where their evaluation determined my diagnosis. I finally knew what was wrong with me. When I returned from prison and the courts sentenced me to Treatment Court. Through this program, I was able to face my demons, get therapy I needed to learn coping skills for PTSD, Anxiety and Depression. Learning to live life on life’s terms I did not have to use again! I successfully graduated and began my recovery journey! I have been clean and sober since October 23, 2007!

I have a loving and supportive family who was there through the good, the bad, and the ugly. They never gave up on me. My mom stepped in and took care of my daughter all the times I could not. My daughter resented me and I do not blame her. When I was in prison, I was so scared to lose her forever. I remember being in my cell at night crying myself to sleep and praying to God to please intervene and take my desire to use again away from me. I wanted my daughter to understand what I was going through and for her to know how much I loved her.

God did for me what I could not do for myself, and I was able to start life over and be present in my life, show up, and get things done. I knew in my heart that I wanted to help other people just like me. I did not know where to begin, but I started by going back to school. I obtained an Associate’s Degree in Human Services with a focus on Substance Abuse Treatment. I then became a Certified Peer Support Worker. It was hard for me to find a job with my criminal background and now being a convicted felon.  All my background checks came back and I kept being denied employment.  My past was haunting me but I kept going and fighting the systems. We have to stop putting so many barriers in front of people who want to do better!

I am proud to say that I have been with The Life Link for 9 years; I am the first CPSW in the State of NM to become a CCSS Supervisor without a bachelor’s degree and based on my experience. I am a mother of two beautiful children, Miranda and Nikko. My second child, Nikko, has never seen me in my addiction, he never met me like that, and I am so thankful for that. I get to be present in my grandchildren’s life, Neah and Jace, they bring so much joy, and they too never experienced me in my addiction. I have an amazing man in my life of 16 years Cody, who also is in recovery. We have built a decent and good life together! Beautiful things have happened in my recovery and the blessings just keep coming!

Today I am employable, today I have a loving and close relationship with my daughter, today I’ve grown into the woman God intended me to be, and today I get to give hope to others that recovery is possible, that no matter what you do, keep showing up, and never ever give up!!!

May 2023