I saw this quote: “The meaning of meaning of life is to find your gift and the purpose of life is to give it away.”

I read that and it hit me. I went through all that shit so that one day I could save a life.

I am the Social Services Manager for the violence intervention program here in Albuquerque. I’m originally from Los Angeles and moved out here in October 2017 when I got out of prison. I was very lucky to have an uncle who is a professor at UNM and CNM who allowed me to move here and try something different. He told me that if I was coming out here, I had to enroll in college. I did and once I did a lot of things changed for me. Things started happening.

Growing up in south LA, you get into gangs mostly out of necessity. You join gangs because you know you’re going to get beat up anyway. That’s just how it is so…every other block is a different gang. I got jumped when I was 11 and I went and talk to a friend who had been in a gang since he was 9 years old, he was from a generational gang member family. He saw me bleeding and I told him what happened. We went and talked to his older brother and he started protecting us, you know, picking us up from school in his car, keeping us safe. When I was 12 he gave us guns. He said “I can’t pick you up today but if those guys come around you, just fucking shoot them.” And that was pretty much it. I was in, and I was in it until I was thirty-three years old.

My parents got divorced when I was 11. My dad left. My mom worked herself to the bone just to survive and you know, in a traditional Mexican-American household, when the dad isn’t there…well…I took advantage of that and I was out in the streets all the time. There were gang members everywhere and you know, I wanted to belong and they had a great recruitment strategy. It starts off with one of the guys buying all the kids on the block ice creams and then just simple stuff like…they would talk to me. Making you feel part of. You get the protection. You finally feel like you matter. I went from walking home by myself to walking home with 30 other kids and 20 of those kids are packing, you know? I was well protected. People get into the gangs out of necessity.

For the most part I just sold. I did party and drink and use cocaine when I was drunk but that wasn’t so often. Later, I got strung out on meth. See, there was a situation where I had to stop selling drugs ‘cause I was being watched and I wanted them to think I was just another drug addicted nobody so they wouldn’t look at me no more. If I wasn’t dealing, they’d leave me alone. But of course…I thought I was so smart; I was going to outsmart them but … that’s when I ended up in prison. Drug sales and possession of fire arms. What happened was, I owned this car but it was in my girl’s name. We got in a spat and I took off to drive around. She called the cops saying I stole the car. They got me.

But, you know? Little things that happen that bring me to this point…If they hadn’t picked me up, if she hadn’t called me in, something worse might have happened to me. Cause every day you wake up and you’re pretty much like….either I’m going to jail for a long time or I’m going to get killed. That’s the life we had, you know? You just have to accept it. That’s what the life brings.

But in prison…they gave me 16 months…a life-changing event happened right before my eyes. Some dude I was in prison with, his mother died and I was watching him from my cell and he flipped out. He tried to stab a CO and they beat him up. It was weird man. He was a racist skinhead but we got along, you know. He was funny and made the day go by fast. I used to read a lot in prison, like Buddhist stuff, metaphysics and the like and this guy was all “Hey, man, you’re pretty smart for a Mexican.” So, we got along but that day he was shut down. Went off the deep end because of his mom.

Never in my life had the thought gone through my head that I might lose my mom – especially while I was in prison. I’m sitting there watching this dude and, he had his hands inside his pants and he pulled a knife out and attacked the officers. They beat him up pretty bad. The whole time I’m thinking: That could be me. If I don’t stop messing around that’s going to be me. If I keep doing this, my mom is going to die without me. That was it. That was the catalyst to make me change. I didn’t know what I was going to do but I knew I had to do something.

I called my mom and she suggested that I move to New Mexico.

When I got here my uncle told me: “Look, I know you were some badass in LA but here you’re nobody and that’s what you’re striving to be. Keep your head down. If you’re going to live here, you’re going to college.’

I got my degree in the electrical trades with a concentration on solar panels.

While I was at CNM I joined the Honor’s Society and I had community service to do. I loved it. It felt good to help someone else. When you’re in prison and in a gang, you have to numb yourself. You have to not care. I lost my humanity but doing community service have my humanity back. I started to feel again. I started to have emotions. I started therapy. I started to get some answers.

Once I figured out how good it feels to give back to the community I knew, hey, this is what I want to do. I want to be of service. I started helping students coming out of prison and those with criminal records. I wanted to help them get a resource center. Six months later, we had it. A place where people like me could help others. I found my niche, man.

While I was at CNM. I was involved in creating a resource center for students with criminal records. In 2019, the Mayor and Police Chief were looking for violence intervention programs and they heard me tell my story. They asked me if I wanted to interview with the City of ABQ. I’m a four-time convicted felon and look at me with my badge. This badge shows that even someone like me can work in a position like this. That’s how I’m here now. It’s astounding. I can’t even believe it. Boom. You start doing good in the world and good things happen to you. Life started making sense.

New Mexico is home now. I bought a house. I brought my mom and grandma to live with me. I told them, come here. I’m going to take care of you. Mom never gave up on me, she never lost faith. Never left my side.

Politics is my trajectory. You’ll be voting for me one day. I’m applying for a full pardon in California. The Mayor, the Chief of Police, the Governor, they will all give me letters of recommendation. I’m not sure what office I’ll run for first but I’m learning, I’m researching and I’m figuring it out.

If you’re struggling, if you’re living a hard life, find people like me, people who’ve crawled out of the gutter. People like me will walk alongside you all the way. You’re not trash. You’re treasure. Stay focused.

-        December 2022